Guardians of the . . .oops I fell asleep.

This film committed the cardinal sin by boring me.

From the opening sequence where the Baby Groot marketing campaign kicked off I thought the film was in trouble, kinda “Oh shit, they’ve played the Baby Groot card in the first scene!” This was then mirrored at the very end of the film by the credits. Yep, the credits let me down. Whoever thought to replace various names and roles with red “Baby Groot” text was in any way clever or amusing should go and have a long hard think about just what they have done. It was just irritating.”There are the words Baby Groot in red, oh wait it has changed to “Dave Montero – Foley, hey wait, there it is again, oh and it has changed again, wait there

“There are the words Baby Groot in red, oh wait it has changed to “Dave Montero – Foley, hey wait, there it is again, oh and it has changed again, wait there agai . . .and another, and anoth . . .and there too . . .” and-so-on-and-so-forth.

So that’s the opening minutes and closing minutes accounted for, what about the middle. Well, it was boring. Here is a summary:

  • Baby Hasbro dances.
  • Our heroes¬†kill the Kraken, presumably still wandering around ever since little Liam Neesom released the damn thing.
  • They steal batteries off some folk who may well be elves who have wandered too far from the LOTR franchise.
  • A lot of drone ships chase them through an asteroid belt that clearly failed the audition for Star Wars because it was too boring.
  • Santa saves them.
  • They go to Oz (not the old one, the new one, with James Franco in it).
  • Er . .¬†. they do nothing (I may have nodded off).
  • Pac-man wins.
  • It is happy/sad.
  • The credits are annoying.

Such a shame, I was so up for this film, in the end, I preferred Fast 8, which I saw in a doubleheader with this.

Peace.Love.Game

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